I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
