My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
