I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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