FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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