If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
