i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
