i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
