She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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