All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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