after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it hurts more in the daytime
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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