Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
