I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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