***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
