God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
