I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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