In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
