did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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