He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
