You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
