I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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