The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just invented taco cereal.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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