I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
