i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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