u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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