Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
