we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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