Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
