The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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