You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I want her autograph on my taint
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
