and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
foreskin is a definite game changer
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
