wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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