What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My balls are so social today.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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