nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Oh god it's open bar.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
