I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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