i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
