Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
