why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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