You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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