I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
