New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
