shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
