my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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