I have demons in me.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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