My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
