You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
