We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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