He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
