so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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