A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
