You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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