The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
